[6/3/23] #29 - The Art of Failure

[6/3/23] The Art of Failure

The largest taboo in sports betting is admitting to failure and losing.

So much so that it was a difficult task for me to openly discuss a losing season. Every fiber of my fragile ego consider different ways to dress it up to sound "more" respectable.

We all fail, most of us daily sometimes multiple times. The learning from our failures is a palatable concept on the surface for me. Who wants to focus over and over on our short comings without a realistic plan to overcome them?

I have a long time friend who I shared accounts with and he was able to window dress results to others in a hysterical fashion.

While he explains to a mutual friend, "it was mostly breakeven" or "I didn't crush it like usual but it wasn't bad" and lastly, "had some strong runs" and the more Id hear these unwarranted explanations I would wonder if he was trying to convince the other person or himself that he hasn't suffered any losses.

I got my ass kicked this NBA season. I'm a terrible loser, I internalize all that shit and become more miserable with every figure paid.

I could tell you it was a forgettable season but I'm positive I won't forget certain moments of it a decade from now.

Let's point out something that no one ever talks about for some reason. Someone has to lose!

It's a 2 way market. If you faded totals steam in the NBA this season, congratulations on the island and the adoption of 25 year old super models.

Poker tournaments always crack me up in that some schlep won 75 coin flips and is the new world champion while 7000 people will never be 100% certain if they even played the best they could. Someone has to win and someone has to lose.

I was one of those losers this season. Constantly considering what I could change in my approach while having incredible CLV and no profits to show for it.

The late night pondering if I had pissed off the karma gods somehow as end game after end game predictably turned on me.

The big upswings only to see all my progress erased as quickly as it arrived. The insecurity to ask colleagues if they were experience anything similar.

The true sitting on the cusp of mental fatigue but trying to act completely normal around people you care about. Being far more invested in their lives because you don't have much to offer of substance.

The change of approaches of low volume to high volume. The constant stare at the screen and wondering if you were to just arb your positions to tie up + equity only to realize this is the week you crush! Except you don't.

I should clear up a few things before I carry on. I didn't lose much money and despite suffering a horrible Nov-Dec battled back to positive units in mid March only to see it collapse all at once again.

I worked 600+ hours in 12 weeks for a negative return on investment. Truthfully I'm bitter, still. Less than I was a month ago, a week ago etc.

I often write this blog for myself but this entry is for everyone else. Here it is... You're going to lose, fail and it's going to be miserable but you're not alone.

Lessons come from losing even at year 24 into this beautiful life. Losing hurts but you have to learn from it so here's what I can pass along that you can learn from my shit season that will hopefully cost you nothing.

If you don't think you should be betting? You shouldnt! For instance if your spouse has a death in the family. Take time to be with her. The guilt of seeing if the grizz covered or not will probably tell you this but just in case. Life events; the market, the season will be there whenever you decide to resume.

After 265 bets I had a week where 3 key players were announced OUT with less than a hour to tip. All 3 game lost & I subsequently decided to wait closer to tip convinced I'd rather have confidence over CLV & immediately I lost 2 games where CLV would have resulted in a win. Stick to what has gotten you this far. Whatever approach you enjoy, there's a reason.

Are you networking well? I stopped talking to others in the same arena. I have never experienced this before but self doubt had crept in at this point.

Enjoyment. Mostly outside of writing this blog from a poker table, having my coffee group which is awesome (shout out) and the required amount of being in a relationship I just didn't really enjoy much.

However the worst aspect to losing is the self deprecating nature that failure will allow you to buy into fully.

The research being good, grabbing a great number and the moments of wow this was good work escaped me. Replaced by thoughts of how will this lose? Expectations that dealt with not expecting too much took over.

Not taking any time off. There was a Thursday near the end of the season where my struggles were at their peak and the market was just hideous. I remember seeing the day off and being unsure of how Id spend the night. This was eye opening.

I had come to ignore advise I'd given in this very blog. Always have a goal and enjoy time away when it becomes available.

Magic bean theories are only fictional and don't deal in the realistic world of betting with a edge.

I leave for WSOP tomorrow to play cash games that are one of my favorite things I look forward to all year. I'm going to meet and see so many of you over the course of the next month and Im so excited to do so.

I'm also working constantly on football currently. It's so easy to get results oriented in this life without realizing your work was always exceptional.

It's all one long lesson. The learning curve seems endless in this life at times.

Hope you are well and as always thank you so much for the space. Sincerely, Eddie