#40 - 6 Days of Hell

6 Days Of Hell

Some of you will be able to resonate with this and others will have never experienced anything relatable.

January 2nd it began. NBA season since November I had accumulated close to 20 units. I'm fairly high volume as most of you know.

I had a couple of losing weeks but they were manageable and minimal.

I get a little depressed directly when football season ends. Calls and texts from people I speak to daily for 5 months slow and eventually disappear altogether after the champ game.

I also have a bit of a idle mind. Going from making numbers for 163 to 112 to 30 leaves me with what do I do now.

Gym, cooking, spending time with the lady, dogs and sweat NBA and try to figure out rotations and get more involved live usually alleviates some of the boredom. Poker ramps a little as well

I never want to be the guy who's waiting for 5 pm for games to begin daily. I want a life outside of work same as anyone.

Tuesday I had 5 bets. Closed fine and they started one by one and at halftime I was all but dead in one. 1-4 meh. No biggie but it was. I really didn't like 2 of the plays, no confidence in those 2. Why do I always do that shit? My number says bet it, my mind says do you have to... Trust your numbers and then they lose. F those numbers!

We cancelled date night that week which is every Tuesday as we were both getting over sick so I worked on Wednesday card and decided to pick off some overnights for half units using 3 outs thinking let's get some serious CLV.

Wake up at 6 am to get filled on everything and all 3 are upside down and im completely thrown off. I get the next 3 in and try to sleep. Is this the beginning?

I'd never compare PTSD of trauma victims to what I do for a living but when you work endlessly and take a bad number (which shouldn't happen if your really working your ass of unless out of nowhere injuries etc take place) and 96% of the time you beat close only to have that 4% matter that'll shake me up 100% of the time.

Try to go back to sleep. I'm back in front of the screen and see all 3 overnights move even further. This is stupid. Get away from the screen.

I'm trying to not look at the screen all day now. Gym, walk the dogs, watch your shows, go to the bank for poker games, stay out of the office. It's all noise they still have to play.

Yee makes dinner and I'm nervous. Saturday morning football season nervous and I have no explanation as to why. I lost 5 figures, who the hell cares. I lose 5 figures in a day often. Yesterday has no baring on today.

Games start when a good friend calls and wants to schedule lunch 3 weeks from now. Call me in 3 weeks dude. I have to sweat a 1st quarter, full game over 248 and they just tipped off so let me get back to losing... My mind.

I lose that night. OKC my cash cow, piggy bank, save for rainy day team trailed by 35 and misses a 3 to go to OT vs crap Atlanta but I laid 2.5 it closed 1.5 now I'm in the spin cycle. 2-4 but my numbers are bad.

Small card let's spend all day recreating base totals, let's break down again for the 14th week in a row what teams I'm not seeing well. It's 2 days, not the end of the world, shake it off.

I'll take the day off. Wait why is San Antonio 246.5 I'm 249.5. I'll bet that and not watch the game. I'll get out of the house, go play poker.

Set alarm for 6 am get it in and it immediately steams on my submit. I get all my errands done early and prepare to go play poker.

I rewrite every single teams power number, pouring over endless notes I made while watching every game. I remake a base total again even though I just made them Sunday and I'm not going to find much but who knows.

I then realize my confidence hasn't been great for a couple weeks, I don't know why. Nothing has changed that I can pinpoint.

Let's go play some cards.

This particular poker game is my favorite. Tight pros, bad recs and the game gets bigger throughout the night but I don't want to be here.

Not only do I not want to be there but I'm playing terribly. I'm checking the spurs score every down trying to focus and failing. I scoop a pot in a 3 way hand and made just above the minimum and know I have to go soon. This is bad. Games too big and I'm not focused.

I check live lines and game is 259 over juiced. I'm above pace.

I ignore texts from friends and Yee trying to play poker and check live lines not to bet but to make sure this one game I'll never remember in 3 weeks wins because it's so important... It isn't at all in the grand scheme of things.

I feel like a degenerate, ashamed. I shouldn't but I do. I leave mid 4th quarter and get home just in time to see 2 missed shots to send it OT and not get a foul in. Falls 246!

Oh now I'm slowly losing reality. Should I take some time off? Should I scale back my unit size, should I scale back my volume?

I've lost 4 totals by a hook in 7 days. I either get blown out or lose every end game. Oh pity me!

I look at my numbers for Friday I just made and the numbers from Sunday and they're all different... Fucked. Which do I trust? They both suck I secretly assume. I decide to combine to make a median number.

I lost the next 2 nights, miserably, miserable. I don't eat or sleep well. I don't workout well. I keep trying to remind myself this isn't that bad. Financially it's nothing, just work through it. You've been here a thousand times.

Friday even worst 1-5-1 lost 2 end games. I'm irritable. Pistons go over every god damn game I don't bet, Orlando without franz season high points scored against Denver... What in the world??

Maybe I should bet quarters, maybe halves that seems like it'd worked well as it's the end games that are fucked. Let me look... Nope I'd lost those too.

Sleep no chance. Talk to my nba partner who I share info with and he is crushing sides which while happy for him, I'm dying inside. I decide I'll lean on his sides for a night. We lose that game.

Yee demands I take the night off which has never happened before. She rarely knows if I've won or lost until Monday figures.

We do couple stuff Sunday morning. Cook brunch, go to yoga together and make a real date night plan for Tuesday.

I work the rest of the afternoon. Calling, texting people I trust and getting a consensus of what they like. I never do this fwiw. I trust two others total in NBA opinion but never stray from my own work much at all.

I go 2-1 and now it's pistons +16.5 to have my first winning day in 6 days!! They trail by 18 with 1 minute left and get fouled in the bonus. He hits the first ft and 2nd rims out. Denver runs it out... But they don't and turn it over and Detroit with 30 seconds takes a 30 foot 3 for no reason at all because who gives a shit if you lose by 17 or 14 with 20 seconds left. Pure misery!

I lost 68% of my season is 6 days. I woke up Monday in disarray, completely befuddled as to how this can happen. Short sample BS and it'll turn around because it goes both ways, right? On those days you can't convince me of anything positive.

That night I went 4-1 and I did nothing different, not one thing. Made a number, bet a number, beat a number and won.

I ate with a smile Tuesday night at date night, played poker and did fine Thursday, watched playoffs with friends who were oblivious of how much stress I felt, how much money was lost which was being recovered daily by then.

-10.7 units in 6 days that I'll never remember in 6 months. This is the life I chose? Yes.

Losing is real. It happens to absolutely everyone on this discord. How you handle it will determine so much not just professionally. I hope you do so much better than the above described.

I'm working on it daily so I can tackle it better because 6 days will turn into 11, 15, a month or even a season to everyone at some point. Have to embrace it both ways. It's inevitable.

I hope you are well and in midst of a great run. Thank you for the space, Eddie