[3/8/23] #21 - It got too loud

[3/8/23] It got too loud

You don't have to love it but at least try. I remember telling this to a group of young hikers in the mid 2000s every weekend of a hot Colorado summer.

I did trail restoration for 3 summers. The most pleasant and rewarding volunteer work I ever did and I tried all of them that made sense I think.

If you have a job of any kind there's going to be times when you're just going through the motions.

A dear friend of mine told me after 21 years at the same engineering firm, he does exactly what's required to not get fired. That's his only goal. Don't get fired, lovely.

It's so easy as I look around to where I used to find motivation from certain podcasts, YouTube channels that there are a lot of gamblers doing just enough to make their nut.

The kids on the trail along with adults were no different. They were usually there because their parents forced them for whatever reason but after a couple weeks they'd trail off and a new group of teenagers or young adults with some obligation or in the selfie era felt a need to help with rescues, trail resurgence etc.

As any volunteer group we would all get a email to take pictures of the finished product and have lunch with each other.

I always resented the lunch and meetup knowing that I put my all into digging up trees, sawing bushes down and a bunch of people would show up and looking for that acceptance from everyone for those 4 hours of half assed weed pulling.

Why did I care? The trail got completed and someone pulled those weeds or moved those tiny rocks. Why did it bother me that they did it for Facebook likes?

Recently someone dm'd me on Twitter with a system in the NBA that had produced really decent results. I immediately thought this can't win, small sample bullshit.

However it wasn't that small of a sample size, took no work outside of a odds screen and a injury report, no long hours, no real work.

I resented it initially and the person who sent it to me to show me what he had discovered.

I mean how could he just win with no effort? What a tourist. How could he not know that I was having a wavy season? Why is he sharing this?

He's the guy who pulled 9 weeds and shows up for the photo shoot while I still wear scratches all over my arms & a sunburn weeks after his congratulatory pic.

As I wrote him a thank you so much & continued success response I felt great.

In the last few months I've realized I live in a fantasy. Everyone on this channel is living here in some capacity.

When I was a kid I would sneak out of my room to watch the end of the Sox game with my stepdad. In middle school I watched NFL Sundays with my uncles & stepdad it was my treat.

We were poor and my mom would send me once a year to Fenway with my stepdad and we sat right of pesky pole and took the bus home. Best day ever.

If you could have told me 30 years later I make a living studying games. Pinch me.

Somewhere in the last decade I confused this job (and it's a job, a fucking demanding one) as life and death.

I became the hiker who started off on a leisurely hike with his dog on a Sunday to clear his mind but eventually packed winter gear, poles and a timer for his best time up a new 14er.

Never taking the time to look around at all the beauty that attracted him to begin with.

The Celtics game went 2 OTs my bet long dead as I watched as both teams are playing their hardest and I turned into my 11 year old self. C'mon celts!

At some point you're gonna have to decide if you love what you're doing or is this just the way to make some money.

I have a great friend Micheal. He ran the most successful club in Denver. He was paid handsomely to say the least.

Last August at lunch he told me at 37 years old and 15 years of going from DJ, promoter, Manager, owner of 4 of the biggest clubs in Denver history, he was becoming a postal officer.

I sat dumbfounded for a moment and eventually asked "why?!!" It's too loud Ed. If you are the owner and promoter of a nightclub and can't stand loud music and people screaming, I got to get out.

He never joined the post office by the way. He just plays golf a lot from what I can tell.

What he said sat with me for a long time. I love what I do. My best days are spent logging game logs, reading weird stuff coaches say. I love to watch games and can watch games with zero money involved.

Not everyone loves what they do. You can be great at something and not love it.

As I read the Zion news this morning I read the angry comments below the description of no timetable of return. It's been 4 months with a hamstring strain. I actually laughed.

It's not Zions fault that he doesn't love the game. He never asked you to watch him, root for or boo him, he just knows that he got generational wealth and his effort wasn't contingent on anyone's expectations of himself.

He's great at what he does but doesn't love it. His expectations of himself aren't yours possibly. Maybe he loves being on the court but doesn't have the discipline to stay healthy or maybe, just maybe...

Hes comfortable in his own skin, completely at peace. Eats what he wants, walks his two massive dogs and makes love to a different woman every night and doesn't even know how to login to Twitter to read how disappointed everyone is in him.

The guy who found the system, the weed puller, the Zions of the world have no bearing in any capacity on anyone's overall happiness or at least they shouldn't.

Do what you love, take pride in it (even if drives you occasionally crazy) and if the music is too loud or you're going through the motions just enough to not get fired... Move on.

If you once loved something but it gets blurry as to why go back and attempt to rediscover it. There's time... there's always time for a passion.

Thank you as always for the space. Good luck to all, Eddie