[3/26/24] #48 - Fear and loathing while sleepless in Denver

[3/26/24] Fear and loathing while sleepless in Denver

It's becoming increasingly clear that I'm bothered rather easily online these days.

I'm on gambling Twitter drama every other week which by the way is really anti climatic if you were a forum viewer even 5 years ago.

This is my place where I reveal shit that I really shouldnt. The squeeze is rarely worth the juice when you realize that you started writing a blog for you but it slowly evolved into a place where you looked for feedback or hoped you reached others by being so vulnerable but fewer people read, interacted or cared that the blog existed and I wonder why it became something I looked forward to writing to begin with. That's a odd evolution or is it?

So let's get vulnerable. You know what I loathe most about pro bettors nowadays. They're never happy with what they have. The best from a decade ago really liked to talk games, theories, what worked and didn't work.

Today everyone wants to tell me about this guy, that guy, this model and this group who when he or they bet the entire market is just fucking dead, no value left to be had. Call it a day, call it a season.

I think when dink died a lot of me died. You know what separated Alan from so many of todays bettors? He wanted to tell you how great you were at what you did.

He had no confidence in himself most days so he lifted his partners up. He would go on vsin, podcasts and always mention me as the best not because I was the best but because he knew I was outworking models in college football and it was me and him against the world some years.

He wanted me to hear it. I didn't know it but I needed to hear it.

Ed Golden and Dink would have been good friends I bet. Very similar guys but one liked the public much more than the other.

Both are fantastic at making you believe in you, that's a incredible trait... A lost art in my opinion.

I'll tell you what's not a incredible trait.

Imagine you're struggling but up and maintaining sanity as best as any guy who watches 50 hours a week of games, pays gambling taxes of 22% and works on numbers for 3 sports all while telling people who matter to you that they do.

Your phone rings and it's a friend who works at one of the places that you bet into and do business with and in between pleasantries he just announces he's not certain you have a edge.

He's been pouring over some numbers and while he's not supposed to have those numbers or those betslips he's concluded that your clv is pretty mediocre and you'd probably be bettor applying as a bus driver or selling oranges on the street... He's not sure you have a edge.

It happened on a Friday and by Monday I was asking Bob, ER, Frank and my therapist to go over some teams that have been giving me trouble.

Even the doggy day care lady couldn't see anything in the charts I gave her to see if she noticed any teams in particular that were costing me.

I'd never had anyone question my edge besides myself but now that I had company I could finally justify waking up at 4 am to get incredible CLV and the tiny limits and no paydays that come with it.

I've lost more sleep over that call than when I got falsely accused and grounded for ordering the playboy channel at age 11.

Is it me that's becoming more cynical or is it a industry that's more miserable? I pray it's the latter.

I love what I do. I love who I do it with. I look forward to calls with the RAS team with the same excitement of the first call 5 years ago, talking FCS with Larry, talking hoops with Erin, Josh, Kareem, Frank. I like talking betting with Mike, Jeff, Justin, Porter. I like talking mlb with Joe and Waz & I love betting at all times of day and night.

I love rooting for people and I love people rooting for me. I fell in love with a woman because of the way she roots for me. I want to win so bad, every ounce of me.

I never won as a kid. Half my friends from when I was a teenager are in prison, some are broke and burnt out and a few are thriving.

A lot are dead. Sometimes I think no one rooted for them enough, not enough people in their corner.

It wasn't that long ago that I could call or text someone a question and they would try to answer the best way to approach a injury or point me in the direction of why the market moved the opposite of why I'd assumed.

Now its been solved and who wants to look like the idiot fading the solvers steam who is betting into $500 overnights because it's more of a find the accounts and having 200 of them isnt hard and winning is easier than ever or whatever slogan is trending of late.

I'm always chasing winning without realizing I am. I want for nothing I can't have and have everything I ever wanted but many times so many want me to yearn for what others have and have achieved.

I lose sight daily on who I am and what I have achieved and more importantly what I'm likely capable of achieving and finding solace in all of the above.

I'm doing some mlb work this year and it's my first time really taking it serious since 2019 not because I'm romantic about MLB (okay maybe I am just a little) but because I have someone who works very hard at his model and takes it very serious. He's been kind enough to just give me winners mostly out of friendship and I want to contribute in some way.

I may not write a entry for a bit as I figure out how to balance three sports for a couple weeks but...

Here's to winning and caring that others feel good when they do or don't.

Take care and good luck to all. Thank you as always for the space. Your friend, Eddie