[3/20/23] #22 - The Rub

[3/20/23] The Rub

The first time it ever happened. I blamed myself. I was young and mostly naive. I didn't know what I know now.

Adam and Jason were my broke buddies. I saved up to grind a 4/8 limit hold em bankroll and we ate Chinese together after every losing session. I'd fire questions their way and they had infinite wisdom.

They were stuck at 4/8 but I was constantly working on my game. Studying the 20/40 and occasional 40/80 games. I started asking really successful guys questions as well.

One day while playing 20/40 I saw Adam and J walk in and I was excited to see them but it wasn't mutual. They shunned me.

Unless that's a real business partner, a lifelong friend or a family member there is a likelihood that everyone is either indifferent to your winning or actually rooting for your demise.

As I graduated from 4/8 to 20/40 to 40/80 and 60/120 etc it became clear that I was alone. Truly on a island. No one's going to celebrate you winning if they are at the same table. I learned to keep it humble.

The best players & bettors are also mostly very humble people. They know they're not invisible to terrible swings & long losing streaks.

There was a lot of rooting against Fezzik and people finding joy in a large money line losing. Some came to his defense of the good math he used and others slammed him mercilessly. It's still going on as we speak. He's the talk of gambling twitter 4 days later.

This is what I refer to as the rub.

I don't know Steve. He has a lot of hair so I know he's doing better than me on that front but I do know he puts a lot of plays out there publicly. I know he touts himself as a winner. The last part is the real rub.

People who lose loathe winners. I'm no different and you aren't either. I want every gambler to win is the difference but that's because I've seen what most haven't. Suicide, homelessness and books, poker rooms making it impossible for the rec player to win. I'm rooting my ass off for everyone of you. Believe that.

However I resented every wealthy family I grew up around. I resent billionaires and banks who see me working endlessly as a schmuck. I root for them all to fail.

Not because they were or are infinity wealthy only because I am not. Make that make sense. It's instilled in us from a early age. Liberals vs conservatives, cowboys vs eagles etc.

We are all taught to root against something but another person is the easier route. Especially a guy who wins.

I became increasingly fascinated with this study of this discord as the ras really sucks chat channel was created. Couldn't take my eyes off it last week once I discovered it.

The channel is busiest when Ras loses their free plays. The people with the most on those games financially Id almost guaranteed aren't in that chat.

However the guy who may have a small amount but it's a important amount to him was likely in their questioning RAS's edge.

He's been losing on his own for a long time and his getting to tell the RAS crew how bad they are and how they have no edge after a losing day was worth the price of admission. Vindication of belief is a big driving force. I can't win, no one wins!

I remember when I was selling my plays at BIQ I think I made 20k a year to give out 10 plays a week to subscribers. I was betting 3x that a week on a small card.

I'll never ever forget this or his name. I was +19 units going into week 9 and think I had 2 minimal losing weeks. Nothing came before those 10 plays. 27 plays in total I watched those 10 like I had 5 mortgages on each.

It finally happened I had a bad week. 3-7 and I was in the habit of reading the chat section and fielding every dm on Twitter.

His name was Dave. He told me he lost his entire roll thanks to me, had just signed up this past week and I was a fraud, a no good tout, he couldn't believe his stupidity.

Naively I wrote Dave a lengthy apology and went to bed unsuccessfully able to sleep for days thinking about Dave & the others who were like him.

I was shook up as complaints on Sunday continued. Making numbers the next day the fear set in, the confidence shaky. What if I lose this great season all at once?

How could Dave know that I spent a entire summer cooped up writing endlessly about every player, team, making numbers and then constantly adjusting everything? How could he not see the CLV he had going into the day?

That Tuesday on a call with Waz who owned Bettoriq he told me stop reading the DMS and complaints. Then it was revealed there was no one who bought the week package before. There was no Dave.

I hurried to Twitter to DM him and call him every name I could think of but didn't. What would be the point?

He wanted to let me have it for his misery. What he didn't know as that I was more miserable in that 3-7 both mentally and financially than he could have possibly been.

I mean I could have just folded but I used Dave and his friends as a driving force. A big F you, watch me now. I was still +15 units on the season but no one remembered that on that particular Sunday. As one guy said in the chat, "he's just been lucky so far. Regression to the mean."

It's been years and I continued to win the rest of the year. I don't remember how much clients won. Dave doesn't remember writing me and it's almost guaranteed he was disappointed to see me win as he was never a client that we could find. I lost all that sleep and he wasted all that time to make sure his misery wasn't alone. That's the Rub

Here's the worst part of this journey of becoming successful. You're going to find out who is really in your corner and who isn't.

Andre was among my best friends. For a decade we spoke weekly. We ate at a lot of food trucks and he was a critic for a little website. We had good times. He was a poker player who didn't win but also didn't take it seriously.

He resented money. He didn't have much and I never talked about money so it was never a issue.

He never liked Bret my wealthy best friend who will drive 20 miles to save 8 cents on gas. Needless to say you'd never know he was wealthy. Wouldn't even eat pho with us.

2016 I hit a heater. Couldn't lose. Beat everything. Poker, football, baseball and NBA it all came easy for a duration. My dog had insane vet bills as I tried to prolong her life. I wasnt living it up in other words.

I was dealing with a few locals back then. One Monday a PPH owed me 8 dimes and I was at a coffee shop mid summer with Andre. He asked if he could drop it off as he was in the area. I agree not thinking much about it. He sat had a cup of coffee and handed me a envelope, the end.

At least that's what I thought. Later that night Andre calls and asks if I could loan him 10k to pay off his credit cards quicker. I jokingly decline.

He gets very quiet and then let me have it. I was a narcissist, a lonely fucker with fake friends, etc etc and what was 10k to me.

It was terrifying. I felt so bad initially. I didn't have 10k to loan anyone at the time which was true. The more I tried to reason with him, the angrier he became.

I eventually hung up and he continued to text for a hour of what a fake person I was and eventually he wished my dog died already.

That was the last time I ever spoke to Andre Patton. Good fucking riddance. I spent years hanging out with someone sharing my life with but he was comfortable with me until I wasn't willing to stay broke and unsuccessful. If my success wasn't going to benefit him then fuck me?

That's the rub and it stuck with me for moments of everyday here and there for years.

People want you to be successful on their terms only. Sorry for the language but fuck em. Work your ass off celebrate your wins and don't ever root against anyone.

Everyone is going through something. Everyone. No one is immune. Karma is real.

Lastly this is not a zero sum game. Dink used to say this is only a zero sum game if you decide to make it one.

We have free odd screens, thousands of people who will help you with any question you may have, free releases from sharps, 20 podcasts a month minimum where people give more than they should. It feels like there's more information out there than ever.

5 years ago the chances of this happening was about as likely as joining the girl for Zumba classes.

Yes you're gonna have to pay your figures on your own and get your own outs but the landscape has changed.

I talk games openly with others I trust and who win. We all have the same goal. We all want to win so freaking bad. We console each other when it goes bad.

I keep considering doing some NBA content. My season has turned around (knock on so much wood) but as much as I love doing content I know that bad week is going to come with some criticism. Fair or not? That's the rub.

Continued success to everyone and thank you as always for the space. Your friend, Eddie